“What’s it like to be a twin?” I’ve been asked this question countless times. Many people wish they had a twin. They think that it must be so cool. People think that doing everything together, even dressing the same at times may be considered fun. September 4, 2001. I was born half an hour before Kelci. That was the day our lives of constant comparison began.
All my life, I’ve looked down on myself. I always felt like I was just Kelci’s shadow. She had better grades, was more athletic, and was blessed with a bigger, more muscular body. I constantly told myself that I’d never be good enough; that I would always be the weaker twin. My self-confidence was very low and I was constantly comparing myself to her. Why aren’t I as smart as her? Why did I have to be a twin? Would I ever beat her in anything? These questions swirled around my head throughout the day. Twins are supposed to be the same, so why did she beat me in everything?
All through elementary school and through the end of middle school, I felt that way. I spent the days and weeks of those years constantly worried about if I could ever be good at anything. I was happy for all of her accomplishments but still felt miserable knowing we were constantly being compared. People would tell me, "dang it must be hard having a twin like Kelci", and it was. I trained hard at practices, studied hard in school, and yet felt like I was worth nothing. My Gpa was good enough to make honor roll and I scored a decent amount of goals in soccer. But my 2 goals would be topped by her 3 and my 3.7 GPA was beaten by her 3.8. As my eighth-grade year was coming to a close, the annual sports banquet was arriving. I was anticipating going there to congratulate Kelci on receiving many awards.
The day had finally arrived, as all the athletes gathered around the cafeteria waiting to be let in. People around me chattered excitedly, wondering who would receive the most valuable player award. The coaches went one by one giving their end of the season speeches congratulating everyone on a great year. Our volleyball coach, Coach Amby, then walked up onto the stage. He announced the awards for Most Improved and Team Player Award as everyone applauded and cheered. I then turned my back to face Kelci as I figured she would be called next for the Most Valuable Player award. To my surprise, Coach Amby called my name and all my friends next to me cheered and told me to go up to the stage. I received my medal and was taking some pictures as my coach told me how proud he was of me. I went back to my seat, chattering with my friends and was astonished when I heard my name again. As I looked up at the stage, my soccer coach, Mr. Hopoi, was holding an MVP medal in his hand beckoning me to come up. “This was not happening. I must be dreaming,” I thought to myself. That was the moment that I realized that I was not anybody's shadow.
Although it was just middle school sports, it meant a whole lot more to me. That was the day I realized that in order to get through life, I’d have to stop looking at everything like it was a competition. I put that “I feel sorry for myself” attitude away and actually started to work hard for myself. Don't doubt yourself, prove yourself. I learned to appreciate the life that I was given and use other people's achievements as motivation to push myself to be a better person.
