Ocean Pollution
Hawaii is known for its beautiful beaches that are home to many different sea animals. Many tourists travel to Hawaii to view the colorful sunsets, and long miles of golden sand. However, research shows that litter on Hawaii's beaches has increased by 77% since 1994. Each year, over one billion pounds of trash end up in the ocean. Pollution on beaches is increasing rapidly due to overpopulation. Pollution in the ocean is the cause for many species to become endangered. Of all the waste that goes into the ocean, plastic is the most destructive. "Plastic is a long-lasting pollutant that does not fully break down." Since plastic cannot break down, the amount of this pollutant can only increase in the ocean. With more tourist traveling to Hawaii, it means more litter will go into/on beaches. "90% of waste that washes up onto beaches is plastic." Many species end up eating plastic, and dying tragic deaths.. 50-80% of sea turtles are found dead due to ingesting plastic. Pollution is causing a lot of damage to Hawaii's enviroment.
The increase of tourism in Hawaii means the rise of pollution in the water. Like pollution, population in Hawaii is increasing each year. "Population in Hawaii is growing an average of 1.12% each year." More people equals more trash and litter on the ground, and in the air. Thousands of seabirds, seals, turtles, etc. are killed after getting entangled in garbage. "We're drawing direct lines from human nutrient inputs to the reef ecosystem and how it affects wildlife." When people litter, it leads to the death of many animals.. Humans leave man-made products in the ocean, which ruins the coral reefs which is home to many animals. Overpopulation in Hawaii is causing more pollution on beaches.
Pollution in the ocean is causing deaths, and the diseases of animals. More than 300 species have gone endangered due to pollution in the ocean. "Pollution in Hawaii is causing tumours on endangered turtles." Nitrogen run-offs from farm waste is the cause of all these tumours. The ocean is becoming more and more contaminated, making it deadly for sea animals. "93% of Hawaiian sea turtles have these deadly tumours." Human waste is a huge factor to the deaths of many different sea animals. Scientists find that hundreds of species are being harmed or killed by the trash that people toss into the ocean. Pollution has had a direct and deadly effect on wildlife.
Among the grains of sand, there are billions of tiny plastic pieces covering the surface of beaches in Hawaii. How much longer can we keep this image of "paradise" up, when beaches are being contaminated? Pollution is very hazardous to the enviroment. Many ocean animals are becoming endangered due to the pollution in the ocean. Hawaiis environment1 is being greatly effected by the amount of pollution increasing on beaches.
Your purpose is evident and it is clear on what you are trying to say. The audience that you are trying to address is also clear. You also wrote the essay in a way so that most people can understand. The topic is brought out effectively but there is one thing that I recommend for your essay. For the sentences after your quotes, I think there can be transitions added in order to make your writing flow better. . The writing is clear in which I can tell that you are trying to express how ocean pollution is affecting Hawaii and how it is getting worse from the overpopulation. The convention is fine except for minor errors such as the the 1 that comes after the word "environment" in the last paragraph. The writing enlightens and persuades the reader and you did a good job overall.
ReplyDeleteYour purpose was very clear and I was able to understand and appreciate the topic. This overall essay was very effective and convinced to be more aware of the litter in beaches. I was able to catch your focus and this is very thorough in what the litter could cause to the beaches and life in the ocean. Your fluency throughout the essay was pretty good and I read some of your thoughts which helped out in sounding sincere and honest to the point I can hear your voice. The only problem is the "environment1" on the last paragraph, but that could be easily fixed SO GOOD JOBBBBBBBB!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYOU NEED TO DO A BETTER JOB OF INTRODUCING THE TOPIC AND THE ISSUE, YOU CAN'T GO FROM TALKING ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL EVERYTHING IS THEN GO STRAIGHT INTO THAT THERE IS LITTER. ALSO YOU COULD FIND MORE EVIDENCE THAT PROVES YOUR IDEAS. YOU COULD ALSO ADD MORE REASONING TO MAKE YOUR DISCUSSIONS COMPLETE. MS(3-)
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